The Official ΨΦ (Not a Frat) Purity Test

Last edited October 12, 2025

Note: The original SWIL Purity test was kidnapped from Amy's website and hacked to include a spiffy javascript counter.
It was then kidnapped back from Dave's website so there could be a nice version that is both interactive and up-to-date without Amy having to learn JavaScript rather than doing homework.
Next, the SWIL webslaves stole it from Amy and just updated it, because that was the easy way to it.
And finally, the purity test was stolen from the SWIL website during the reign of the pARTy Regency

Originally, the purity test was not linked to the rest of the site. This was so SWIL didn't have froshlings arriving at the beginning of the year with negative scores. We will continue to keep it that way. By uploading it to this site which really shouldn't be connected to PsiPhi in any way. Heavy penalties will be handed out to leakers...

There are now exactly 213 (205?) questions. Your score is the number of questions you answer "yes" to, subtracted from 100. Yes, you can go negative.

To "hook up" is to "engage in behaviour leading to either a relationship or a one-night stand/fling." All technicalities count (for everything).

Feel free to ask questions about the test!

I. General PsiPhi involvement

Consider the following and append whatever makes it make sense as a full sentence.

Been to a PsiPhi meeting?
Been dismembered?
Been dismembered at your first possible opportunity?

Trivia! Everyone is part of PsiPhi, except those who have been dismembered.

Did you know about PsiPhi before you were at Swarthmore?
Correspond with a PsiPhi nonmember before you were at Swarthmore?
Did you come to Swarthmore primarily to join PsiPhi?
Come to alumni weekend as a current student?
Worked at alumni weekend?
Have you had an official PsiPhi title?
More than one?

II. Positions of "Power" and other PsiPhi events

Have you ever reserved space for a PsiPhi event?
Have you ever run for PsiPhi regent?
More than once?
Have you been beaten by the goat?
Have you voted for the goat?
Have you served as PsiPhi regent?
Served more than once?
Tabled without being regent?
Are you Jim Huang?

Our Fearless and Charismatic Leader

Attended a SWIL/PsiPhi reunion?
Run a SWIL/PsiPhi reunion?
Can you name all the SWIL/PsiPhi presidents in order?
Ever been to a PsiPhi movie night?
Have you attended a SWILCon?
Have you run a SWILCon?
Have you ever visited Lloyd Alexander?
Have you ever written a PsiPhi email?
While not regent?
Have you ever written or revised a SWIL/PsiPhi purity test?
Have you ever corrected the grammar of this Purity test?
Have you ever done something for the sole purpose of lowering your PsiPhi purity test score?
Have you edited the SWIL wiki?
Have you ever been to Falpurgisnacht?
Walpurgisnacht?
Read David Wolf?
Without breaking?
Sang Sam Jones?
Stayed the entire time?
Can you pronounce "Walpurgisnacht"?
Have you participated in the Pterodactyl Hunt?
Run the Pterodactyl Hunt?
?
Proposed a theme for the Hunt?
That was chosen?
Have you created a new monster for the Pterodactyl Hunt?
That anyone besides you ever played?
Have you ever rolled a newspaper sword or wrapped a foam sword?
Have you ever been to Philcon?
Entered the costume contest at Philcon?
Won a prize at Philcon?
Have you ever engaged in the classist activity of making fun of Spam?
Have you attended the Root Beer Kegger?
Have you ever submitted to SCIENCE!?
Been the Scientist?
Guys, don’t worry. I just invented time travel. It’ll make the heist much easier!
Guys, don’t worry. I just invented time travel. It’ll make the heist much easier!
Guys, don’t worry. I just invented time travel. It’ll make the heist much easier!
Guys, don’t worry. I just invented time travel. It’ll make the heist much easier!
Guys, don’t worry. I just invented time travel. It’ll make the heist much easier!
Guys, don’t worry. I just invented time travel. It’ll make the heist much easier!
Guys, don’t worry. I just invented time travel. It’ll make the heist much easier!
Guys, don’t worry. I just invented time travel. It’ll make the heist much easier!
Guys, don’t worry. I just invented time travel. It’ll make the heist much easier!
Been the Fey trickster?
Gone insane over the quests of the Fey Trickster?
Hoop?
Been to Ren Faire?
Have you been a SWIL/PsiPhi power behind the throne/volunteer whore (done a lot of work without holding official office)?
Given a name to a PsiPhi location or activity?
Given a name to a PsiPhi nonmember?
Have you been given a new first name by PsiPhi?
More than one?
Have you ever won the lottery?
Forgotten to bring a prize to lottery?
Have you been to PPPPPPPPP?
Presented at PPPPPPPPP?
Can you say the full name of PPPPPPPPP without looking it up?
Are you Mal Pietsch?

III. Science Fiction and Stuff

Have you ever been in PsiLi?
Locked the key in there?
Have you been a lorekeeper?
Have you ever checked a book out of PsiLi?
Have you ever had books out of PsiLi for more than three months?
Do you still have them? (contact the current librarian)
Have you read more than 1/3 of the books in PsiLi?
Have you donated books to PsiLi?
Have you been Librarian?
Have you ever bought more than $100 worth of SF/fantasy books at one time?
Have you ever submitted a story or drawing to BEM or Unicorn Star?
Which was accepted?
Have you ever edited BEM/Unicorn Star?
Have you read BEMs or Unicorn Stars from years when you weren't a student?

Trivia! We used to have our own publication. It is no longer.

IV. Unofficial SWIL/PsiPhi fun

Would you like this point?
Have you watched the Star Wars trilogy back-to-back-to-back?
Spontaneously?
Stayed after the dorms closed to see a Star Wars movie in the theatres?
Been in an RPG?
Run an RPG at Swat?
Been to a story reading?
Have you ever heard/read out loud any entire Tolkien book in one sitting?
Read a co-story?
Written a co-story?
Been to a roundsing?
Do you know multiple verses of "Scotland's Depraved"?
Attended a party to celebrate the end of the world?
Left the end of the world to do work?
Have you ever stayed up later than 3am talking to ghosts (while a current student)?
Have you ever stayed up later than 4am gaming?
Stayed up later than 4am watching other people game?
Have you ever played a game that lasted more than six hours?
Played a "1-2 hours playing time" game that lasted more than six hours?
Have you ever played Settlers of Catan?
Do you own Settlers?
The German edition?
Have you spent more than $300 on games or Magic cards?
Have you gained a working knowledge of German purely from gaming?
Have you introduced a new game to SWIL/PsiPhi?
Have you developed or helped develop a game?
Have you ever gone on a campus treasure hunt?
Run a campus treasure hunt?
Have you ever beaten Fred at a game?
Have you ever recited (or listened to) all or part of the purple joke?
Asked someone to recite the purple joke?
Have you ever used "grep" as an expletive?
Do you own weaponry?
Have you arranged your schedule around showings of some TV show (eg. Buffy or B5)?
Have you attended a video viewing in someone's room?
Hosted a video viewing in your room?
Bought a VCR or TV for the express purpose of hosting video viewing?
Have you read "The Eye of Argon"?
Do you have a livejournal?
Have you ever spent more than two consecutive hours at a meal in Sharples?
Can you count on one hand the number of times you've eaten in the big room in Sharples?
Have you put grapenuts in Sprite?
Have you demonstrated that Jello (or syrup) emits heat when combined with pepper?
Had to prevent violence resulting from such a demonstration?
Have you made Mello Jello?
Have you consumed Mello Jello?
Have you drunk POG?
Have you ever thrown a napkin ball?
Have you ever balanced a knife (if male)? failed (if female)?
Have you ever put Sharples items (cutlery or trays) in the wall?
Higher than 15 feet?
Have you ever made food or cutlery sculpture in Sharples?
Have you ever abducted anyone in/from/to Sharples?
Have you successfully summoned another Psier Phi/Psi Phier?
Have you ever started a PsiPhi tradition?
Slept in a bed/pile/group with two or more other Psi Phiers?
Attended the wedding of two nonmembers?
Have you ever played frisbee golf?

V. Hooking up in SWIL/PsiPhi (this is a purity test, after all)

Have you dated a PsiPhi nonmember?
Dated a PsiPhi regent?
Been regent and dated your co-regent?
Dated a ghost while a student?
Dated a student while a ghost?
Dated someone in your RPG?
Dated your DM?
Hooked up at a Purgis?
Hooked up at the Pterodactyl Hunt?
Hooked up at inauguration?
Hooked up at Philcon?
Hooked up in PsiLi?
Hooked up at the end of the world?
Hooked up at a PsiPhi event we didn't mention?
Flirted with SWILfolk/Psiers Phi using SCCS/VAX/Broadcast?
Wished the clueless person would leave the event so you could hook up?
Been the clueless person?

VI. PsiPhi-related Swarthmoreana

Have you had an SCCS/PR1ME/VAX account?
Have you used it to stalk Psifolk?
Have you ever played nethack or rogue?
Played housing bingo?
Lived in ML?
Been a four-year MLer?
Been a member of an ML hall while not living in ML?
Walked out to ML for no specific reason?

Trivia! Many SWILfolk lived in ML.

Have you ever gamed in Ha-Ha-Hallowell basement?
Lived in Ha-Ha-Hallowell basement?
Have you ever pranked a room?
Have you ever had your room pranked?
Is it still pranked?
Have you been on the roof of a Swarthmore building?
Been on the roofs of more than five buildings?
Been through the steam tunnels (or tried real hard)?
Been on the theatre grid?
Have you ever been to Puckers?
Ever executed the Erik maneuver at Puckers ((1) skate over to the puck (2) fall down (3) hit the puck))?
Ever been injured or injured someone at Puckers?
Ever been to Post Puckers Pizza Party?
Done folk dance?
Done swing dance?
Taken archery or fencing for gym credit?
Married the person with whom your roommate screwed you?

VII. Specific People and Traditions

Is your Josh Smith number less than 5?
Is it less than 3?
Are you Josh Smith?
Have you ever done something for the purpose of lowering your Josh Smith number?
Do you know Joe Robins?
Have you ever threatened to replace someone with a small piece of plastic about this big that can do everything they can do only smarter, faster, and better?
Greeted anyone with "Hey look, it's (name)! Let's kick his ass!"
Have you met Jim Huang?
Have you ever exchanged more than three sentences (in person) with Jay Scott?
Greeted Jeff Hildebrand with "ML 4220, extension 8016"?
Have you ever reenacted the fall of man at a SWIL/PsiPhi meeting?
Spelled out Aaron Brockett's last name, recitation style, with proper emphasis?
Signed George Dahl's name on the attendance list?
Do you know how to make an applehammer?

VIII. WHAT!!??!?! (Things we don't understand, but maybe someone else does.)

Have you taken Uechi Ryu?
Have you shot the wolverines?
Had "Ko/rn FEakes" and "Count Tim" permanently branded over their non-SWIL counterparts in your mind?
Pissed someone off with the "that's a three. now it's a four. that is definitely a one" game?
Seen the Peter Wagner Memorial Cheese?
Bid dumb nullo?

IX. Ducks

Do you want to buy a duck?